David Kuroda, MSW ’72, shares a few tips about how couples with children can “uncouple” in healthy ways.

1. Tell your children the divorce is not their fault and remind them of it as often as you need to. Reassure them that you will always love them.

2. Even if you’re worried about money and feel uncertain, remember that as parents we have to give our children hope for the future. You might tell them that you may live in a smaller house or not take as many vacations, but that you’ll continue to love each other and be a family no matter what.

3. Love your children more than you hate your soon-to-be ex-spouse. Put your children’s needs first, and don’t make them feel like they have to choose sides.

4. Make a parenting plan that includes when the children will be with each parent. The plan should spell out where they will live, and should keep their routines for clubs, sports and school.

5. Stay consistent about expectations for school. Try not to let sympathy and sadness persuade you to allow the children to skip their schoolwork.

6. Try to work things out with your spouse by agreement, not by litigation. Keep your money for your children’s college funds and not for your attorney’s children’s funds.

7. Even though the courts can’t require payment of college tuition fees, parents can include this in their agreement.

8. Often attorneys can help with financial resources during divorce, including asking the court to help pay attorneys’ fees. There are some low-cost family law organizations that specialize in helping families who have less money, especially when there are concerns about family violence

By Lynn Lipinski