February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. Learn more about the prevalence of intimate partner violence among young people, as well as what individuals and communities can do to help.

Intimate partner violence (IPV) affects more than 12 million people per year — and even more alarmingly, one in three teens in the US experience some kind of physical, sexual or emotional abuse at the hands of a partner before the age of 18. Breaking free from an abusive relationship can be extremely difficult, especially for teens who might not feel they have a support system in place to help them navigate such complex and potentially dangerous territory.

To shed light on this issue during Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, we spoke to Susan Hess, Clinical Assistant Professor and co-founder of the Trauma-Informed Task Force of Los Angeles. Hess told us about her decades of experience working with participants who had experienced intimate partner violence, and how individuals, communities and organizations committed to helping those affected by IPV can work together to ensure youth are safe.

What Is Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)?

IPV is typically defined as a pattern of behavior in which a person attempts to control the thoughts, beliefs and/or actions of a current or former partner. This might include physical, sexual, psychological, spiritual or financial abuse.

IPV can occur in any age group or demographic segment, as well as across gender and sexual identities. Within LGBTQ relationships, intimate partner violence always occurs within the context of institutional oppression, societal discrimination, prejudice and bias. Examples of IPV might include physical acts like slapping, punching and pushing, or psychological abuse like intimidation, manipulation or threats. For teens, who are just beginning to explore their first relationships, it is important to understand that abuse can take a variety of forms — recognizing abuse is the first step towards seeking help.

A Strong Support System

For teens experiencing IPV, a robust support network of friends, family members, teachers, school counselors and religious leaders can make all the difference. There’s no right person to reach out to; teens should go to the people who make them feel comfortable and safe.

Support systems for battered teens can have other positive effects, too. While studies have found a connection between adverse childhood experiences (such as witnessing domestic violence) and future health outcomes (including mental health), other research has shown that healthy relationships and strong support systems can mitigate adverse childhood experiences.

According to Hess, just because a youth or child witnessed domestic violence growing up, this doesn’t necessarily mean they are going to experience domestic violence in the future.

“It’s not what happened to you that determines future outcomes, it’s how you make sense of what happened to you,” says Hess. “Having safe relationships that help you to process and navigate what you witnessed or what you experienced can change future outcomes.”

What To Do If You Or Someone You Know Is Experiencing IPV

The number one priority for victims or those who know victims of IPV is to create a safety plan. This might mean a plan for creating physical distance between the abused individual and the abuser, but it might also mean a plan for how the individual can manage staying in the relationship.

Leaving an abusive relationship without a realistic safety plan is dangerous, and in some cases can even be life-threatening. If you know someone experiencing IPV and want to help them, Hess says it is important to take a “trauma-sensitive approach” and be both collaborative and empowering in helping them to develop a safety plan that suits their needs and their relationship goals.

“The person who is in the violent relationship should ultimately decide what action they will take. Whether they decide to leave or to stay, it is critical to support the participant in creating a safety plan,” says Hess.

The Primary Aggressor Needs Help, Too

While much of the focus in managing IPV is on the victim, Hess says it’s important to recognize that the person doing harm will need support as well. Often, they have experienced adverse childhood experiences, and may not have had their own safe relationships.

“There’s this black-and-white thinking, that the victim is good and the person doing harm is bad,” says Hess. “But it’s important to have an understanding of how historical and generational trauma affects the person who is doing harm, and provide support and guidance to that person — as well as the person who is experiencing the violence.”

Ultimately, to break the cycle of IPV recidivism, Hess believes the most effective strategy for clinicians, advocates, case managers and organizations is to implement trauma-sensitive systems of care that:

• focus on safety and aim to avoid re-victimization

• seek to understand what happened to you rather than what’s wrong with you

• provide choices and seek to understand each person in the context of life experiences, cultural background, gender identity and historical trauma

As bell hooks once said, “the practice of love is the most powerful antidote to the politics of domination.”

If you or someone you know is in immediate physical danger from IPV, dial 911. For non-emergencies, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or chat online with a hotline advocate here. If you live in the LA area, the Los Angeles LGBT Center offers resources to help those struggling with IPV.